I am scared
Hello My Beautiful People, it is new year now, 2019, and trust me, I am having almost no clue, how the year ended so quickly and I am glad, that year ended. I am scared now. I have lost all hopes, I have no reason to grace myself, except applying lipstick , everyday, ya does that make me happy, i don't know, but it certainly make a tinge of difference in my frightful monotony, I owned 2 cats, Ginger and Mishti. I almost cuddle them to the death, they don't like cuddles, but they both are needy at a point of time, like me. Ginger will boop his head and nose to my hand, and literally try to evade my personal space(leisure time) for head scratches. And Mishti is a moody ass bitch(humor, she is a female cat, i don't know, if there is any specific term to call female cats in English). I love their company, though.
I am scared, I can't do anything, now and then, there is a certain spark or flare emits, but it just get vanish like when you burp and feel relaxes, unfortunately i am not relaxing a bit. I never came across of actual stress in my childhood, though i do have suffered certain trauma, but it got away with time, and then new series began. But now, it just a continuous parallel line reciprocating my life along side with stress. I am too stressing ,the stress. See even , i am acknowledging it with a "the ".
Everything is absolutely not easy in life. As i am being coward and wonderful escapist, it is taking too much time to approach towards my goal. One of my well wisher asked me, what are my long term goals. I asked her instead what is "long term goal", i fumbled, and kept asking myself that really i have no goals. I dont know, why I am regretting so much, having so much love towards makeup and beauty, I still felt disgusted to watch, most of my makeup products lying around and could not even using it properly. I bought so much makeup, all of a sudden I felt disgusted and regretting, that I am loosing all the love and happiness. I have OVER DONE it obviously, no doubt in it.
I paid one third of my salary in this "INSTALLMENT BEAUTY", where i got scammed because of my greed and foolishness. I paid more than 20 thousand rupees and hat did i get, old , expired, rusted stuff, and I had to embrace it with wide smile and not even a fake one.
I just had a one to one meeting with my manager, he told me to move on , and told me to put all the old shit to 2018 only.Though he is not that humble person, but i felt his words. I don't know, when and where I will cope up with this. But i need to cope up, I have to stand up. Just need the catalyst to put fire in my arse.
I am not a beautiful person, I am just a woman. Sometimes I do question my existence, Why GOD has made me this stable, still worthless.
May be there is a reason, that I should learn from my own mistakes, which are horrible sin committed by me, and I should regret and bitch like hell and write a whole blog post. I got the lesson part, but when I get the chance to survive and move on. The process is very slow and wicked and painful.
I do know, that, this pain is drowning me into a deep burdened, hell.
LOVE IS IN THE AIR.
NO THE AIR IS JUST POLLUTED.
And i am finishing here.
I still love you all, and missed my own writing.
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💗 With all ReSpEcT & LoVe 💗
💖 KESARIYA💖
I am scared, I can't do anything, now and then, there is a certain spark or flare emits, but it just get vanish like when you burp and feel relaxes, unfortunately i am not relaxing a bit. I never came across of actual stress in my childhood, though i do have suffered certain trauma, but it got away with time, and then new series began. But now, it just a continuous parallel line reciprocating my life along side with stress. I am too stressing ,the stress. See even , i am acknowledging it with a "the ".
Everything is absolutely not easy in life. As i am being coward and wonderful escapist, it is taking too much time to approach towards my goal. One of my well wisher asked me, what are my long term goals. I asked her instead what is "long term goal", i fumbled, and kept asking myself that really i have no goals. I dont know, why I am regretting so much, having so much love towards makeup and beauty, I still felt disgusted to watch, most of my makeup products lying around and could not even using it properly. I bought so much makeup, all of a sudden I felt disgusted and regretting, that I am loosing all the love and happiness. I have OVER DONE it obviously, no doubt in it.
I paid one third of my salary in this "INSTALLMENT BEAUTY", where i got scammed because of my greed and foolishness. I paid more than 20 thousand rupees and hat did i get, old , expired, rusted stuff, and I had to embrace it with wide smile and not even a fake one.
I just had a one to one meeting with my manager, he told me to move on , and told me to put all the old shit to 2018 only.Though he is not that humble person, but i felt his words. I don't know, when and where I will cope up with this. But i need to cope up, I have to stand up. Just need the catalyst to put fire in my arse.
I am not a beautiful person, I am just a woman. Sometimes I do question my existence, Why GOD has made me this stable, still worthless.
May be there is a reason, that I should learn from my own mistakes, which are horrible sin committed by me, and I should regret and bitch like hell and write a whole blog post. I got the lesson part, but when I get the chance to survive and move on. The process is very slow and wicked and painful.
I do know, that, this pain is drowning me into a deep burdened, hell.
LOVE IS IN THE AIR.
NO THE AIR IS JUST POLLUTED.
And i am finishing here.
I still love you all, and missed my own writing.
`````````````````````````````~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````````````````````````````````````
💗 With all ReSpEcT & LoVe 💗
💖 KESARIYA💖
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